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I will fight the good fight
I will fight one step at a time
I will fight the many named beast whose name I will not repeat

The voice whispers at me
even in the instant I wake from sleep
plaguing me through the day till time when I fearfully go to bed.

I’ve no one to blame,
Not mother, no father, not religion priest pastor or nun
Sadly I confess an unhealthy acceptance of the bribe of lies
to which I’ve unknowingly and unwillingly fallen victim too,
I admit my weakness’ even as I accept my inner strength
<Grace from God>
to be weak no more and if weak I be it will be a weakness but for a moment

I desire an escape from the velcro like negatives that stick fast to my thoughts, that choke and distort my memories, rob my vitality and poison my patience. How do I don the coat of arms and find the mind of Christ God has gifted me, where is the champions spirit within me?

I believe, I say I believe yet I must constantly pray aloud,
‘help me father in my unbelief’ help me in the ability
to churn out the strong from the weak, to find holy power,
to trust I have courage to change, wisdom to know and belief to say again and again and again, aloud if need be……
— I NEED TO CHANGE!

I can see all of this. I see the past, the present and how they are all there, formed in my imagination.

There is a plan for my tomorrows, they need not be baked in sorrow.

If I can find some joy, peace by peace, moment to moment, passing up each negative velcro strap that seeks to bind me, one pass’up at a time just for those moments……

I will not look down, I will raise my head and look toward the sky
and the heaven within my soul
and know
—I CAN CHANGE

Amen

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