Tags

Private I 4 U 2 C

Depression is BAD- I be SAD—wife is SAD/MAD cause I’m sad again on at holiday time.

Hallmark channel is HER wish for life-
She wants conversation- small talk- children- family- the typical grandmotherly things- I just wanna ride my bike-

Used to be I wanted to be a star- but that started in ’65-as in 1965—I got close but no cigar.

CDs, awards, concert shows, tv, radio, toured the US Globe, got tired, got cancer, got reprieved, got saved, I think I threw my saving away- I don’t know; nothing means nothing no more- life’s is like unwanted emails-click here to unsubscribe from all.

Do you sometimes think you’d be better off dead?”  Dumbest question I ever read, one of many on the pre psych form that comes from those who think they can help ya cope–behavioral health- “here’s a script for some brand new different dope.” ( one can only hope).  Yeah, sure that’ll help.

Nuptials- couples-families of kids- same old same old year after year as I get older, slower, fatter, feel inferior to those kids who talk so fast and who don’t understand the wit of Pee Wee or Mel Brooks (my man) kids who don’t remember birthdays or anniversaries unless it’s their own. Even my 1 year old granddaughter can use a cell phone, She calls me- her daddy showed her how to/- too sweet for this old curmudgeon  and they both wished me a happy birthday- again- too sweet!!

Ya wanna friend? Be a friend. I thought I was but, somewhere on this magical misery tour my spouse and I have gone through different revolving doors.

Is this enough anti depression self pity expression for one day? Friday? day after Thanksgiving for which I’ve forgotten what it is I’m thankful for?

Ah! Thankful for This—time to purge the demon from my mind- to late though!! the damage has been done-and I’ve misplaced the slugs for my gun-

******fooled ya******I don’t have a gun- just the desire to spark a fire even if we’re just dancing in the dark.

Thanks for the juice Bruce.

THIS JUST IN FROM A READER WHO GETS IT:

Thanks for sharing your very personal and very sad words. All I can really say is I understand completely, but when the big D takes hold, we must remember that it really isn’t just a matter of choice to act against the power of the dis-ease.  No words of wisdom, no matter how true or well intended, can really change how we feel in the moment. Often the best we can do is go with the flow until the current lessens enough for us to begin paddling in a less stressful and painful direction, hopefully enjoying some respites of peace between battles. I love you Joe.

Thank you Mr. or Ms, Empathy who ever you are.

joe,

Advertisements