My battle with depression today, Nov. 27, 2013.

Depression is not a God or a demon or evil unless we would choose to make it so. If we do make depression a god or a demon or evil then we can choose to worship it or rejected as such and call it what it is-an illness.

We CAN call on the one true God to release us or sustain us, to show us, according to our belief, a way through the dark night of the soul.

Some would tell me that there is a way around it, I can’t see it, they say an escape is possible. For me there is only a holding on, an opening up to the Holy Spirit, the comforter. For me, I must embrace the darkness and work through it, punch through it, write through it, out to the light that I KNOW is there just beyond me waiting.

Advice and opinion from others seems to exacerbate the down-ness and confusion.

My doubt is great to fall, my fear great to overcome.

I have been here before-how did I get here again?

Paul in Galatians 4:8-10 makes it sound, to me, as if I am choosing this condition, that I’ve turned my back on God and chosen another God. I hope I’m misunderstanding that.

What I do believe is that there is an illness, a dis-of-ease with in me that is cyclical and clinical, circumstantial, not wholly curable but Holy manageable through God and the Holy Spirit and my communion with Jesus in THIS manner, in this manner right here-an opening up of my wounded soul to the healing, no matter how brief, or how many times I have to repeated the process throughout my day or throughout my life. What I can’t say to my neighbor I can share with my God.

What I regret most about all of this is the pain it puts on those I love.

My faith is in God.

My cross to bear is less with his hand, here, to help me, in quiet solitude, as I write and pray Thank You Father God.

 

Amen.

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