guitar under water

Friday, July 12, 2013 8.35PM

At this moment I am tired—confused and emotionally busted. I wrote a song I thought was grooving and cool enough to play at church. Yesterday I took my guitar and play’d the song for Scott, the worship leader, and he sorta liked it and asked me to get it organized in such a fashion as to present it to the church band—electric bass, drums and piano. Well I dont play nothing but guitar and don’t read or write music but I been playin and making a living at music for 50 years—no lie, all by ear and hangin with other players who improvise and a have gigging chops to cop the things I spent 8 hours on today to try to convey in a very foreign manner. All my recordings, done years ago, were w/ pros and producers. Things change when ya get old tired and retired.

For the life of me I don’t know what happens from inspiration to creation to production. Trying to record this song drove the spirit right out of it and me. Trying to create drum parts and recording into Garage Band on my Mac, trying to figure what these chords were in order to tell others what to play, whoosh, spirit has left the building.Screen shot 2012-04-03 at 8.51.33 AM

8 am to 5:30 pm and I’m in a foul mood. The message I believe God gave I somehow turned into self flagellation—ok, to much drama, sorry.

I wanted God to be pleased, I wanted to please the minister, I wanted God to be praised, to lift others with a simple funky country finger pickin groove tune—but now here I am feeling like I got hit by a truck. I know…t’s not about me. Easier said than accepted right now. And please don’t tell me its not by works but by grace, I got it, I just forgot it.

I played guitar parts sloppy—couldn’t get the “machine” to invest itself into the mission or help me lift the song up to Spirit. I stopped several times and asked God why, why is this prayer song turning against us.

NOW, I hear in my hearts mind these words, “it’s just your mechanics man. You’ve pleased me w/your effort, your patience, your devotion and your dedication and your intent.”

But Lord, I was not have holy thoughts, quite far from them at times during this exercise of stress and futility. Those were not supposed to be part of the melody. I seem to remember lyrics to a song somewhere, the singer sang “I did my best, but I guess my best just wasn’t good enough.”

So at this moment I’m thinkin my best is my best and it should be good enough for me—and I hope Lord, it’s good enough for you.

The song is called I AM, these are the lyrics:

I am stronger now than ever in my life
Thank you Jesus, Praise your name
You endured the cross to give me life
Today is the day, I raise hands and say
I believe 

Challenges come along every day
I no longer run, I stand and I say
Here is my faith I have no fear
Today is the day, I raise hands and say
I believe

CHORUS:

He said I AM, I AM the way
He said I AM, I AM the truth
He said I AM, I Am the life
No one, comes to the Father, except through me

BRIDGE:
We gathered here together
In his name for all the world to see
We believe Jesus Messiah
Son of God, lived and died
for you and me

CHORUS:

He said I AM, I AM the way
He said I AM, I AM the truth
He said I AM, I Am the life
No one, comes to the Father, except through me
The only way to the father is through me

He said I AM, I AM the way
He said I AM, I AM the truth
He said I AM, I Am the life
No one, comes to the Father, except through me
The only way to the father is through me

I’m gonna let it go now, give this all a rest cause I really need to get some sleep, not to be up all night stressing and fretting. If the song never gets to church at least it got me real in touch with you—here at 9:20PM.

Who knows, maybe next time will be the charm.

Amen

Fri Jul 12, 9:35PM, good night!

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