April 19, 2013 8:16 AM
The time has come I make myself sit down and write you. The time has been rough for me. Probably not rough like rough on you, but as I said before, prison is more than bars and stone.
I keep fightin’ the blues, even though I say I surrender, I seem to always be in a war. The Self, The Spirit, God, Jesus, Satan, the players in an ongoing tragedy, Shakespearian or Steven King, I don’t know who.
Back pain, depression, depression meds, pain meds, F’ing Blizzard on April 18th, 6 inches of snow.
The guy next door, Ron, has/had Prostate Cancer, he lives w/his wife and 4 daughters, his driveway is never plowed, so I go to plow it today to DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Used to do Jerry’s when he was in Jail.
I treat my wife, the mom, the friend, the lover, the work out Queen the best I can. I make dinner when I can. I shovel our drive way, I stay faithful, my eyes no longer stray. She is more to me than I ever knew she would be. She goes to bible study, she prays in public for me, and for you, and for our friends. She is………more to me than I can say.
June is not really here, I pray God would take her home, in peace, silently, in her sleep, held in the arms of angels, lifted from this world we only know with our eyes until we close them and see heaven.
Can you see heaven? I can’t. I pray that heaven is real, beyond the book of the same title. I want to know my father, ok, my Heaven Father sure, but my earthly father as well. Will I ever know him beyond the 20 months of my infant life? Will I have a better memory of him than the one burned in my brain of him in a coffin in the living room of a dark house full of old fat Italian women layered in black?
I know he held me, loved me, maybe even changed a diaper, not that Italian men did such things in 1947.
And what of Regina? My life was so full of Kids, Joey, Ricky, Regina, then only 2, then only 1, now back to 2>Thank you Rick for coming home.
Gone, miles away, learning, living out a new dream, no longer a nightmare.
And a girl/woman I never knew, now someone I write to, share views of Jesus, God and books.
Can my life be any better than it is at this moment when I am digging in my soul to find words of LIFE, HOPE, HONESTY, PASSION.
If you haven’t guessed by now, I am attempting to write this letter to two. For my heart and mind and desire is to do such. If I write one letter, just one to each of you, then I am sure I would miss a piece of my heart that I want to share, the piece that says I really care.
When I was a musician/performer I never play’d a song a second time in the same night. The second time the song just wasn’t as true, that’s why I am writing not to one, but to two.
Makes sense to me! Hope this makes sense to you.
Gods Love Be Yours