the composition book lays (or is it lies, that too!) on the table before me
on it are the scratchings of ink making words called the ‘stuff to do’
why do them?
to be busy, to make no room for nothingness to grab and pull me down
or to be positive and productive.
i think one leads to the other, then again not necessarily, they—busy, nothingness, positive, productive are not joined at the hip.
Today is a warm (relatively speaking for February in Minnesota), day where the sun is showing at 7.15 AM. At this moment there are no obstacles for me except for my attempt at trying to key nothing into something
for some reason these scratchings I did quite thoughtlessly on paper only moments ago have taken on a life of their own
this immortalizing of random thoughts can throw a monkey wrench into it all >beware>just write what I wrote and don’t go down the devils path of deviation from motivation and creation!
Where was I?
There are no obvious obstacles in the way except this process of thinking. Thinking 70,000 thoughts a day creates emotions that create moods. Not to mention scrunch up foreheads, puckered eyebrows and pursed lips.
The basis for all of this banter in me today comes from the latest in my bag of self medication/motivation tricks obtained and gleaned from a book by D, Burns, (or is it Burns>what ever) Feel Good, the NEW MOOD THERAPY, already 30 years old, lol.
Mood, born of emotions, born of thoughts. I’m snippered by a thought that says ‘what’s real’, is ‘it’ all contrived’? Is contrived an unbelievers seed of destruction to a positive constructive way of thinking=feeling ending in mood?
Mood backwards is doom!
So, there it sits, the list of ‘stuff to do’ scratched out in ink on paper in my composition book, and this monologue I’m deeply invested in at this moment was not part of it. Have I been thwarted from the path, or as in jazz, is this an unchoreographed ad-lib section.
The list can be a time bomb, explosive, destructive and distractive, a mis-direction leading to oblivion or back to the bridge.
The list can be, in the most basic form a beautiful picture laid in pieces before me offering me the opportunity to complete it, one piece at a time. The picture can be abstract or architecturally precise.
The pieces of the puzzle are called today,
a picture in pieces, placed just so…..
complete the picture
see the vision as you go
the vision of living your life
one piece at a time.
So now I must ask myself, what is it I think about when I think about all of this? Do I even think about it? Of course, one can NOT not think.
What emotion am i swimming in now for coming up with this time consuming exercise of writing/journaling?
Is this food for a mood that I want and can love or am I a bit pissed because it didn’t stay on task and track with my ‘stuff to do’
I’m set back 20 minutes or thirty two to be precise
how do I feel about that
I feel—(emotion or mood?) good that I took the time to do this, what ever this is.
What is this? A rest area on the hi-way of today.
Okay, back on the road, gitty up and go!
I got stuff to do
BTW, I’ll never write another War and Peace, but I do like this piece.