So, here I am thinking about the past wondering what my future should/would be but, i just got back from Regions Hospital St. Paul, ICU, 3rd floor, and what I am thinking about now is writing a blog called ‘No Mother in Law Jokes Please’

But i can’t.

I’m numb.

I’ve been looking at a one time knock out woman who is now somewhere between here and, as I believe, Heaven and God forgive me but I’m pissed.

It is not fair. If ya want her God take her, if ya don’t then why this shrunkin skin, miles of tubs and clicking lights and scrolling spikes on a Star Trek machines whereby the doctors and nurses offer, ‘Oh, she’s had a good day today’.

Bull shit, she is dying and her family is dying with her. 83 years of good living, raising good children, mothering, grand-mothering, making sauce for pasta and pasta fazool.

God has a plan all faiths declaration, Jewish, Christian, don’t know bout Islam, but I bet them too. What is this plan you have and why does my mother in law June, the one time darling of the ballroom lay flat, arms swollen fat, with eyes that can’t open and drool running down her once beautiful pristine tanned skin exist in what to my unsophisticated mind and eyes see as a place of suspended animation?

Sorry people, I’d feel the same if it were you.

I Remember when my baby Regina pass’d? Sometimes it’s hard but I do. They save’d her to a point when they came to us and said
what do you want to do, leave her on life support and she may pull through, but not likely. We have the heart as strong as it can be, but the lack of oxygen has cause some damage to the brain, there can be no doubt about that. 

Death, dying, trying, chasing dreams, whipping drool,
all this living,
all this dying
maybe it’s all just a song

from a song I wrote many moons ago

I’ve been away—don’t know where I’ve been
I haven’t seen you—
since I don’t know when
And the stars blink like seconds in the sky
 
Now it’s cold outside
the leaves have turned to gold
the wise ones know it —
and all’v flown home
And I—still can’t figure it out
 
And I heard some one mention
This is Sunday morning
In the church there are sinners 
Singin and Praising 
and praying for their souls
 
And I’m just here wondering
Why I’m wondering
About this living—
About this dying
and Baby and momma are crying
 
 
Maybe it’s all just a song

I’m sorry this is all I can do June, this is my prayer for you, and yes I know that line that “nobody said life was fair”, but this is so unfair to you.
I love you Mother In Law June Mariano
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