Trust demands honesty so if i am to trust and be trusted, honest i must be

There seems to be a justified confusion concerning the messages i give about ‘work’, my work, the work i quit but continue to do.

Well, if i quit, why then why do i still gig, am i done or not?

Here is the economics of why i still need to go to the bar (coffee houses don’t pay) and play the blues.

First, God gave the blues to me and i’ve given my self to the blues. Our voice is one there. i find our voice there, and the meaning and depth of that statement will be in another entry someday. 

Having that said that…….

My social security check is less than the tip of a pin towards our family income and the financial demands put on my wife, therefore, 2-3, sometimes 4 times a month when the opportunity presents itself to me—it’s off to work I must go. 

After 50 years of making music my life, i make $75 dollars for making music. Four hours of work, plus 1.5 hours of prep time and .5 hours of take down time. That does not take into account the miles and time to get to and from the gigs. 

i have my music/work life down to where i will not travel more than 20 miles. During the bar gigs (if that’s what I am playing) when I am being ‘that Blues Guy Joe’, i spend as little time in the bar in the midst of the noise and the mostly mindless pointless loud banter and sports pontificating as I can. Imagine a man who loved his work, who no longer loves his work but must still do his work. At times it’s not a good thing to see.

PT ii

i believe the Lord has seen fit to gift me with an abundance of music and passion but it’s not clear to me why i still need to ‘bar it” to use these gifts. Maybe it is clear—i am a one trick pony, who never studied business. i have only half the trick bag when it comes to the MUSIC OF BUSINESS OF MUSIC!

So; do I quit and say, no Lord, if it ain’t in your place and only our songs i will not play? Sometimes I think, well, maybe that’s what it should be. My fear then is that i would just be sitting in my room and go no where and do nothing, and since Target isn’t hiring a semi retired self employed musician, and my SS check is so light, where else can i get my lunch money? 

That’s why i go out and gig. i must make music. i must also contribute as best i can with my paltry income for the woman who supports this waning man of music, who, when ain’t strumming guitar, now butchers the art of writing.

There it lies, and it’s not a lie but the truth.

Won’t it be wonderful when in His time and in His way i will someday play only those songs He and i have written in a place and in a way that will bring pleasure and praise to Him and then me? Sometime a time and place where i will find that passion that John C. so observantly and eloquently brought to light in our gathering last night—I am re-seeking the passion I once thrived on but from me is now hidden.

Pt iii

So, i bar up. i play for pay but never without first thanking and asking to keep my mind on serving, no matter what, no matter where it may be, and that the music and songs i play have the truth and passion i know He expects of me no matter what the song may be. 

Pray—Play—Pay, Hmmm, sound like Eat Pray Love huh? (that book the woman love so much)

I coulda writ that book—if I weren’t so self absorbed in self pity and spinning in a world of self doubt and wondering ‘what is it you want me to do Lord’?

It’s 5:44 am, Wednesday the 14th of December.  It’s another day and someday all these petty things i write about now will pass right away when in Glory we see the face and be in the presence of Jesus.

John C., your mom do have the truth of it!