the text of: he wrote, i wrote


He wrote:
Question of the day. You been sober for years. Have you ever thought about attending AA? A bunch of like minded guys sharing recovery, faith and fellowship. Working the steps helped me a ton for living. Plus drew me closer to God.

i wrote:
Sober?? Not really, I just don’t drink.

Oh Lord/—what a question you posed to me this morning.

I sell myself to prescription medications- anxiety- sleep!!!depression- pain-both body and soul daily.

They have finally reached ( 20+ years) the point of diminishing returns where what they’re designed to relieve they actually cause. Constantly trying to out run the devil-

In the beginning along time ago I tried AA group and my selfishness found it annoying and time-consuming listening to other guys moaning and groaning about their problems. So I turned to psychiatry and medical doctors

This text message is getting way off track and it’s too early to early in the morning for me to start going down this depression confession road again good question timely question and it does deserve an answer and if what I’m doing isn’t working- and may in fact be working against me and my relationship with God and my wife- maybe it’s time to try something else.

I don’t small talk- I’m running out of time at 68–running out of time and the guilt is getting much to heavy to carry alone as my body and bones creak and crack from the load.
The end?

He wrote:
Why don’t you drink? 

You would find AA group I go to a lot different. Sure guys share there struggles but there’s a ton of laughter.

i wrote:
Why don’t I drink?

You’re full of good questions this morning. I would drink basically to pass out so that I could sleep. That was way back in the in the day of sex drugs and rock ‘n’ roll and then
and I had children and that wasn’t working so I went to doctors. They prescribed a medication to help me sleep and discovered Or uncovered other issues buried down deep in my heart and soul prescribe medication for that.

And I found it easier to control the consumption of medication then the consumption of alcohol and the results were not as drastic. Alcohol caused the violent rage anger and all the other seven deadly sense as well as blackouts and total regrets for days. But you see your hearing the stories over and over again that you’ve heard your AA groups.

Laughter is good just that I can’t find anything the laugh it anymore. I’m gonna close this morning session by saying I do believe in God I do believe Jesus is the Lord and the Savior I do believe that I have surrendered but not well enough. Sitting on the couch last night at 10 o’clock with my wife in bed sleeping contemplating committed myself to a psych ward. Loneliness is a vile  tool used by Satan and he uses it quite well on me. Waiting for it to get 10° and I’m gonna go for a bicycle ride for about 6 miles. Your communication with me this morning was definitely a God thing thank you.

 He wrote:
We talk about the solution in the meetings. Problems you take to your sponsor.
I have seen guys that are suicidal for 18 months come out of it by working the steps and the fellowship.

Also I have seen lots of guys that are sober for years but not happy come into the rooms and turn things around.

Just saying might be worth a try.

i wrote:

It is worth a try, yes, solutions at meetings, problems to sponsor, trust and surrender, to God, a no brainer for me, to another human being? pride and selfishness and self-protection, cover pain with wise guy talk, keep running, don’t slow down, I’ve known quite a few who have fallen along the way side, high on something one moment, high on NOT being high the next, then falling off the map and showing up later back in the ditch.

He wrote:

Saturday morning men’s meeting at 8am. Pick you up at 730?

i wrote:

Trust? I don’t trust myself today, familiarity, a family of men/people who are not family, I was an only child and am an only man, too much focus on the can’t do even in all my words and songs of can do. I drive myself crazy with knowing right from wrong and coming to the fork in the road and deciding to build another road. And I’m good a creativity but not reconstruction, That I need to let Jesus do, but where is the letting go gone to?

I just got that last text
(Saturday morning men’s meeting at 8am. Pick you up at 730?)
while writing this one, usually at 7:30 I am still in  semi-coma from sleep. Lets say yes and see if I can pass the test…………. and now it is today, been quite a morning R, I don’t know if I’m better or worst for all this introspection but I do know this, you are a caring man, although I think of you as a boy/young, you have wisdom, I have wise guy lingo, lets give it a try.. thank you, no, really, THANK YOU R! for caring, for reaching out,  you seem to care how I’m gonna work out life, and I’m really concerned about that as well, I’m running out of time, I’m 68—and  now it’s 9:25 AM, I gotta get up from this chair and away from the computer—my back is hurting.

Thanks for the love.

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